


Still My Angel

by castielcntrl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Comforting Castiel (Supernatural), Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Forehead Kisses, Holding Hands, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Sad Castiel (Supernatural), Soft Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:55:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielcntrl/pseuds/castielcntrl
Summary: Castiel feels unsure of his place in the world as a human, but Dean is quick to change the former angel’s mind about it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 73





	Still My Angel

It’s been a week, Castiel was human now. The angels had fallen, he’d been on the run and Dean had just found him. Getting him settled in the bunker, helping him adjust to his new way of life; Cas couldn’t help but feel useless to the Winchesters. Getting hurt in hunts, asking the wrong questions, struggling to do the basic things. Sam had tried his best to assure him that Cas was doing good, that he and Dean were more than happy to have him around...but it just flew right past his head. Nights were always so difficult for the former angel. Not knowing how to relax himself so much to the point where he could fall asleep; staying up all night or getting at least five minutes of sleep. It was only then that Cas started to grow frustrated with his lack of knowledge on being human. 

He sat up in his bed, elbows resting on his knees and his eyes glued to the floor. What was he doing wrong? Why can’t he sleep? Why did things get so bad that his brothers and sisters no longer have a home? That _he_ doesn’t have a home. He can’t assist the brothers like he used to. Can’t fly, can’t heal them when they’re hurt, can’t watch over them like he used to — can't watch over _Dean_. That was his mission after all, to protect Dean Winchester. And yet...he failed.

Cas reaches under his pillow to pull out a big, bent feather. _His_ feather. He had kept it around; unsure if it was to torture himself with the memory of who he was before, or just because he didn’t want to believe that he wasn’t an angel anymore. The heavy weight that crushed his chest became nearly unbearable for him. Tears building up in his broken blue eyes; his body falling apart. Cas brings the feather to his chest, holding it tightly without caring if he bent it or disheveled it. He missed who he was, what his father created him to be — but he was scared. Scared that Dean will realize that he’s just a deadweight, that he’s no longer of use to him and his brother and will ask him to leave. These thoughts ran a hundred miles per second in Castiel’s mind, not feeling how much tears were running down his face, how tightly he was holding onto his feather. 

Cas didn’t hear the footsteps that came from outside his bedroom door, hell, he didn’t even notice his door opening. It wasn’t until he felt his bed sink from someone sitting next to him. Dean. 

Dean hesitated to speak, noticing the feather against Castiel’s chest and the tears running down his stubble covered cheeks and onto his black slacks. “I-It’s the only thing I have left from…” Cas starts quietly, his voice breaking. Dean didn’t say anything, he didn’t know what to say. Instead he wrapped an arm around Cas, pulling him to his chest then furrowing an eyebrow when he felt the former angel stiffen up at his touch. Dean let go, letting Cas resume to his previous position and looked at him, waiting for him to speak. “You’re not mad at me?” He asked as he looked into Dean’s worried green eyes.

“Mad?” Dean asked, confused. “Cas, why would I be mad at you?” Cas shook his head, dropping his gaze to the floor again.

“I’m useless.” Dean softened, scooting closer to Cas and removing all the space the was left between them. How could he have not known or even think about the pressure Cas had been under?

“Cas, buddy, hey.” Dean reached over and softly grabbed Cas’s chin with his thumb and pointer finger, making Cas return his gaze to him. “You’re not useless.” He offered a soft smile, but Cas didn’t believe it — he couldn’t even look Dean in the eyes. With a sigh, he moved his hand down to softly touch Cas’s hands. He relaxed his fists, letting Dean grab the feather and place it on the nightstand before he got both of the former angel’s hands in his. “Look at me.” He said softly. Cas let’s more tears run down his face, frustrated he didn’t know how to turn them off and frustrated with himself. Dean breathed, attempting again to pull Castiel to him in a comforting embrace. This time Cas returns it, clinging onto Dean as if he were going to leave him. “Nothing’s gonna happen, okay? I promise.” Cas let out a quiet sob, shoulders shaking beneath Dean’s arms. “You’re still Castiel. You’re still our best friend, and I still love you, always.” The last part was a slip up, words that were thought out loud. Cas looked up, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and tilting his head as he usually did.

“Dean…” 

“I mean it, Cas. I love you.” Dean has this look on his face, Cas couldn't read it. It was different from when he usually looked at him. “Angel mojo or not, I love you.” A weight lifted from Dean once he spoke those words he kept in for so long. Though he looked determined, he was terrified inside. His heart beating so fast and so loud, adrenaline running through his veins. Telling someone you love them after so long was a new rush for him, and he didn’t want to stop. Cas didn’t say a single thing, he just stared in shock. Dean cleared his throat and pulled away to stand up. “Why don’t we get ready for bed huh?” He looked over Cas, noticing he was still in his usual attire. Dean offers his hand only to receive a confused look making him chuckle. “C’mon.” Cas took Dean’s hand nonetheless, following him towards his bedroom, smiling at how surprisingly soft his hand felt.

When they got there, Dean closed the door and headed to his closet to pull out an old AC/DC t-shirt and a pair of navy blue sweats, folding them neatly before turning to Cas and handing them over. “These should be more comfortable.”

“Are you sure? I don’t-”

“Cas, put the damn clothes on.” Dean chuckled. Sometimes Cas was too worried. Cas nodded and started to undress himself down to his boxers making Dean shove his hands in his pockets and look down to the floor as a blush crept onto his cheeks.

“Better?” The Winchester looked up, smiling at how casual Cas looked. 

“Very much.” Cas smiled, picking up his old clothes to fold them neatly and place them on Dean’s desk. Meanwhile, Dean pulled his covers back and got settled into his mattress. Cas looked at him, hesitant about what he wanted to do — but one look into Dean’s eyes he walked over to settle into the bed with him. Cas laid his head on Dean’s chest, listening to his heart beating and finding it somewhat comforting. All of his worrying suddenly vanished from his mind.

Dean wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer to his body and once again closing all the space between them as he rubbed his hand up and down his back. Every so often drawing small circles on his shoulder blades. Cas was still a little tense, never having done something like this, fearing he wasn’t going to be able to sleep and disturb Dean. “Hey, it’s okay. Relax.” He stopped his movements, his hand resting on Cas’s shoulder. “I’ll be right here, all night, okay?” Dean moves his other hand to lift up Castiel’s face. “You wake me up if you need me.” Cas nodded, finally relaxing his body, allowing himself to snuggle closer to Dean and his head snuggled into his chest. His hand resting on Dean’s ribs, a thumb softly running back and forth; the smell of detergent filling his nose, calming Cas even more. His breathing started to slow and steady, eyes growing heavy. The feeling of security, love, it all filled him.

Dean moved his hand up, his fingers running through Castiel’s hair, messaging his scalp earning a small hum from the blue eyed human. Dean chuckled, his pride getting the best of him. He was proud he could finally be able to help Cas with something that wasn’t out of his range. Though, helping him sleep wasn't even close to what he’s done for him and Sam. Dean felt as if he owed Cas a lot more, but if this was going to be the start of it then so be it. He wasn’t complaining. 

More hums escaped Castiel’s lips as Dean started to press small kisses to his hair. This feeling...Dean's hand in his hair, hearing the beating of his heart, smelling his scent, being snuggled up in his warmth in the comfort of his bed — it made Cas realize that heaven was never a home. Sure, he was created by God. Served heaven, fought wars, lived up there for many eons, but it was never _home._

This? Being at the bunker? With Dean? That...that was his home. This was where he belonged.

Dean sighed, lacing his free hand with Cas’. The former angel lazily returning the affection. A moment in silence passed before the oldest Winchester heard a soft snore come from Cas, making him smile sleepily. Pressing one more kiss to his forehead, he whispered, “Goodnight, my angel.” Before he slipped into a comfortable slumber himself.


End file.
